dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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