so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
