You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
