I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
