If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
