this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
