my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
