4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
