I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
