I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
