He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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