You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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