Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
