I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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