i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
