She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
