I want to make a zoo with you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
