It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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