she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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