see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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