I hate your face
thus making me awesome and them whores
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
