Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
