I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
