didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
