That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
