I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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