So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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