Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
