We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
