Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
