I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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