Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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