Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
