I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
