I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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