I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
