I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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