please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
