Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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