i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
