We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
