I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
