As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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