You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
