i think i have two assholes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
