With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
