I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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