he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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