I smell stomach acid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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