Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
