we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
